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Nancy Gray: A story of Faith

Nancy Gray

Nancy Gray

When Nancy first discovered she was pregnant, she was told by hospital staff, they could not see a baby, implying she must have had a miscarriage. “But I didn’t see any signs of a miscarriage,” Nancy replied, but the nurse insisted that she get a DNC to make sure there was no fetal tissue that may cause an infection.

“Maybe I have to wait a couple more weeks to see if it continues to develop,” she added, but the nurse assured her ,”there is nothing there”. “Maybe it is too small to see at this time?” asked Nancy, but was warned of the consequences of waiting too long to take the DNC

Baby FAITH

She was so confused. On one hand, she didn’t want an infection, but on the other, she was unsure of the assessment. Plus, the pressure to act quickly was overwhelming her. She was told, “if and infection develops, you may not be able to have children.” After some thought she had the DNC, immediately questioning if she made the right decision. She was mad at herself because she did not listen to her faith in God.

Several years later, she realized she had not dealt with pain of the abortion, and decided to name the baby. She named her first baby Faith.

In 2003 she became pregnant again, and this time her baby was visible. But at 6 weeks, the ultrasound showed the baby had an opening of the skin on the lower right side of the abdomen. The doctors told her to wait another week to see if the baby would heal. On the eighth week, she had another ultrasound and was told that the skin on the baby wasn’t healing and she needed to have an abortion because the baby wasn’t going to make it.

Nancy couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and tried holding back her tears, to be strong. As she listened to what they were saying; she was bothered at their effortless analysis of her medical condition. It was as if it were not a big deal. “I couldn’t do that; I’ve always wanted to have this baby,” she told them.

“ I’ll have to wait and think about it,” said Nancy, as the nurse responded,” don’t wait too long because if you wait too long it will be Illegal for you to do it(abortion).” As if it wasn’t bad enough, now she had to feel the pressure of making a huge decision. She asked her sisters and friends, but no one knew what to tell her.

Not wanting to call her mother in Mexico because she did not want her to worry, Nancy already knew what she’s say. “Do not to listen to the doctors.”

The doctors explained how the baby would be delivered, without skin around the belly and all the organs exposed. In addition, they said the baby would die as soon as it was born. Nancy didn’t want her baby to suffer pain.

On one doctor’s visits, Nancy noticed the staff had been talking about her pregnancy, which made her feel awkward. The nurse that usually saw her introduced her to a medical student and asked, “Do you mind if he comes into the room?” “No,” Nancy responded, as she was led into a room with an ultrasound machine. The nurse proceeded to tell the student about the pregnancy and how it was abnormal, pointed at the screen and nodding their heads as Nancy laid there, holding her emotional pain. Suddenly, the nurse said, “Okay thank you the doctor will be with you in a moment… if you can go back out and take a seat and wait out there.”

It was as if Nancy was their little “side show”. She broke down and cried, in disbelief at how heartless people could be. She looked around for something to throw at the door, but realized it wasn’t worth it. Getting up the nerve, Nancy asked again if there was something else she could do, instead of abortion, or if there was anyone else she could talk to, with another point of view? The doctor said “no”.

She went home again and talked to God, but didn’t hear his voice, or maybe she did, acknowledging she should have talked to her mother, but she didn’t listen. It was a torturous 24 weeks, the torment of what would happen to the baby, and the hopelessness of aborting yet another baby weighed constantly on Nancy. Assured the baby would feel no pain if it were aborted before the 24 week mark, Nancy agreed to have her pregnancy terminated. But this time, she would make sure the baby had a proper burial or at least have the baby cremated in case she moved, and would at least have some peace of mind knowing the baby was with her.

On the induction date, Nancy’s husband was not allowed to leave work, but arrived immediately after work.  With her sister Eva there for support, she delivered and held her baby. She was, at that moment, at peace, yet with emptiness inside. Later that day she was wheeled into the recovery room, and was told that someone would be taking her baby. But she couldn’t stand to leave her baby there in the bassinet and just let it go down with the linen, so she picked up her baby before they wheeled her away.

Later a nurse came asking for the baby. Nancy said, “I have the baby with me.” The nurse got mad and insisted Nancy give her the baby. “No!” replied Nancy, “ because I don’t know where you are taking him.” The head nurse came and assured her that she would be taking care of the baby herself, and would wrap the baby up and put it in her refrigerator. Nancy was told she could visit the head nurse in her office in an hour, so she laid there on her bed looking at the clock. In exactly one hour, she got up and went to the desk and asked to speak with the charge nurse. “Oh your the ones with the fetus!” said the front desk. With all the pain she had inside, she loudly said “It is NOT A FETUS! Is MY BABY!” as her tears poured.

Nancy got to see her baby one last time and after that, the baby was sent to the funeral home. She and her husband went home, when suddenly all the pain came at once, and Nancy broke down again.
Many people ask Nancy why she’s an Abolitionist. Her response, “because the world is promoting death, death of the heart, death of the soul and death of innocent human beings. With God, everyone is equal, when he created humans beings he made them like himself…he blessed them and called them Humans. Genesis 5:1-2

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” Jeremiah 1- 5
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.” Psalm 139:13-18 5:1-2

In Nancy’s Own Words

Neither the human mind nor technology can overtake the knowledge and mystery of God. Faith is something we believe in, yet we cannot see. A certain manipulation of the mind can turn people away and doubt the one and only True God; the Creator. A perfect example was the story about my first pregnancy, where the nurse did not see a baby and insisted on a DNC.

In Tennessee, 2009, I learned I was pregnant again. I knew I was very early, so I made an appointment right away; thinking about the first pregnancy where the nurse urged the DNC. I told myself, “ if this nurse told me the same thing as the one in Chicago, I would not listen to her and would run out of there.”
As I went into the room, the nurse did an ultrasound and told me “well your test say’s you are pregnant”. “But your pregnancy is so early that we cannot see your baby yet, but you are pregnant.” I was stunned at her response, and flashed back to 2001. I pushed the tears away and told her my story from my first pregnancy. She became very upset and could not believe how some people think they know all because of some degree.

What is the lesson here? It is not up to us to decide, it is up God only and Him alone because every one of us has a purpose; and for us to read our Bible and put our complete trust in him. If we did this, we would know how to handle situations like this every day and be able to help others make the right choices when they need a friend.

After all of the struggles and heart break, I was blessed with two beautiful, smart, girls.  Sasha, 3yrs old, is our future little Abolitionist, and Shaylyn, 7yrs old , will grow up to be a very wise future Abolitionist as well.

 

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